How Can We Teach Our Children Self-Esteem Without Doing Damage?

From Preschool-age and Beyond

    “Damage?” you may ask. Yes, some child psychologists believe that if we overdo it in the praise department, we may actually be hindering our child’s self-confidence.
​Why? Cheering every time your child does something rudimentary, let’s say, making their bed in the morning, gives them the idea that they have done something extraordinary and they no longer need to push further to achieve praise.

Instead, try saving the applause for when they go above and beyond, such as making their bed and getting their own lunch ready, especially if they have never done it before. Kudos if the act was unprompted by you.
 
Self-confidence doesn’t come from mom’s praise. It comes from a feeling of competence, like trying new things and succeeding. 
 
One of the best things a parent can do is encourage their child to complete the task they are showing interest in. Whether it’s getting to the next level of a video game or not giving up halfway through cleaning their room. Allow them to generate their own self-praise by being proud that they accomplished an arduous task.
 
Don’t shield your children from failure and disappointment. The only way they will appreciate their hard work is by failing, staying persistent, and completing the challenge. 
 
Starting with your toddler, have your child help around the house. Kids need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable.
 
Try asking age-appropriate chores such as:
 
Ages 3+

• Set the table
• Change the paper towel roll
• Put away their toys 
• Make their bed

• Feed the pet
• Clear the table

 
What should you do when your child becomes frustrated with a task or experiences disappointment like getting cut from a sports team?

1. Let your child know that your love for them is unconditional, and not performance-based. 
2. Remind your child that practice is all they need to improve...and that every expert was once a beginner.
3. Don’t focus on it. Many times, children learn the most valuable lessons from failure. How to deal with hard feelings and rebound is a life skill you will be happy they can master at a young age.

 
Keep in mind that you can always offer appropriate praise, but if you would like to set your child up for success, you will want to dole it out when it is specific and earned. 
 
A confident child is a child that is not afraid of failure. Parents can guide children down this path so they can become happy and healthy adults.

Consistency and continuous efforts from your part with your preschooler are essential. If you need more tips or help, consult your child’s pediatrician or a specialist for additional information. If you need more information, contact us.